"Woohoo, death to the Monster Hayes! I hope Connecticut doesn't wait too long to carry out the sentence." -- posted by sirieulyheather on Twitter
Not surprisingly, there's joy across Connecticut that a jury in New Haven sentenced Steven Hayes to death for strangling a Cheshire mother to death and setting lashing her two daughters to their beds, leaving them to die in a fire.
While the jurors themselves are holding hands and wiping away tears, most of the reaction elsewhere is more akin to the wild woops of a frenzied football crowd.
That got me thinking.... The mob wants blood (and, really, who can blame them?). And Connecticut needs some greenbacks.
So how about we hang Hayes from the 50-yard line at Rentschler Field? We can sell tickets to the highest bidders -- and maybe have a lottery to give poorer residents a chance at winning some good seats. I figure there must be 20,000 people or more who would pay $200 or more for a chance to watch Hayes depart the planet.
That's $4 million in cold, hard cash, at a minimum, and it can all go to the state's depleted coffers.
But the real money is probably in selling the television rights.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say Fox might be interested in acquiring the rights, but of course we should bid it out. It's always possible that a dark horse contender might pay even more.
Oh, sure, there are some who would cringe at a TV show of Hayes' execution, but we're talking serious money here -- millions of dollars for sure.
The best part is that we can sell the tickets and the rights up front so the state can pocket the money right away.
If it turns out that endless legal delays and bizarre, upsetting appeals put the whole thing off for 10 or 15 years, well, taxpayers at least get something out of it quick. And if in the end the show doesn't go on, refunds would not include interest so the state would still make out.
Chances are pretty good, too, that the state can do it all twice when Hayes' partner in crime goes on trial early next year.
Why should the state keep losing money on the death penalty? Let's return to the good old days when big crowds gathered for a hanging -- and make some money off it while we're at it.
*****
Copyright 2010. All rights reserved. Contact Steve Collins at scollins@bristolpress.com
15 comments:
Ya know, I almost felt sorry for Steve when he wrote the earlier article about being attacked for being such a liberal...I don't anymore.
I applaud the jurys decision, but I fail yo see the humor in your article. Guess I just take alittle too seriously
That's sick.
I agree 3:41 PM. This was far too much of a tragedy to make light of. This "modest proposal" article is tasteless and embarrassing.
good idea.
i always thought pay per view of executions was/is only a matter of time.
--stretch
Capitalism at its best, ol' chap! At its best!
REALLY creative suggestion, Steve. Unfortunately, your tongue-in-cheek macabre humor is going to be misunderstood by most of the uptight and generally misinformed followers of this blog. Still, a great piece of creative writing on your part.
If you ask me, the whole concept of capital punishment is bizarre! The logic seems to be: by killing a killer, society is better somehow. I guess that may be true, but the real question is: how so?
Life sure is strange. Death, now that's anyone's guess. May be just as strange or may be better?
We'll all just have to wait and see...
"Uptight misinformed followers"???
My how holier than thou! It must be a burden to be so much hipper and smarter than the rest of us.
BTW, we understand Steve's "humor." We just don't find it funny.
November 8, 2010 9:49 PM aka "Capital Punishment::
Actually you're bizarre.
And I don't find this issue a matter to be joked about at this time. It's a sin that this piece of garbage is going to be on death row for so long. He should be dead now.
America needs a little balance ....
Over one million infants are aborted yearly w/o so much as a whimper .
Maybe if we started to call them post natal abortions it would be as acceptable to terminate murderers as it is to terminate the completely innocent .
What a world we now live in ....
I would be against capital punishment if the prisons were not so cushy. Internet, cable, books, gyms, all stuff that these people might not have on the outside. If you're not going to kill some one like Hayes, then you have to make his life less like living in a resort. Working on a chain gang is not unreasonable.
Thank you for confirming my postulation, November 9, 2010 7:29 AM.
BTW: it's not a burden anymore, I've become accustomed to the reality of this life's situation.
Well gee, I am sure glad someone explained Steve's humor too me. I had know idea he was being tastelessly funny and it was just tongue and cheek. I mistook it for sarcasm with a liberal lean, that I found to be condescending and self righteous. Boy was I wrong. Sorry to jump to such a snap judgement.
November 9, 2010 9:01 PM
It's clear you have much for which you should be sorry, for example, you should be sorry for neglecting your studies in school, especially English composition!
Do you really think people take your nonsense seriously? LOL...
November 9, 2010 3:53 PM:
What else would you expect from a liberal? They're almost all warped.
I guess when Capitalist Punishment's mom told him he was special, he believed her.
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